Acedip

Well I’m going a bit over board in calling it the great indian marriage, first of all, I’m calling it a marriage because it will take some time to become a wedding yet. Anyway, it brings me to the real question, what is marriage? There was no concept of marriage in biblical times and certainly not until some thousand years back, The oldest marriage mentions could be dated to the mesopotamian civilization, which was by far, way too different in practice than what it is today. In my opinion it originated as a legal way to mate and have children and eventually to lead your family (because the concept of generations came later), gather food, protection and all the basic things one need everyday to live your life, Thats it, nothing dramatic about two persons bonding or falling in love so much that they dance around in the rain and finally mate under a shed, water dripping through their bodies, that sounds very apt for a typical tollywood movie (I’d have said bollywood but bollywood seemed to have grown out of that generation to a more serious cinema these days ). So the kind of married life we have would make no sense at all to someone travelling through time machine from 4000 yrs back, he’d probably die laughing at us that how we have managed to turn such a simple thing into something so complex, infact that would be his comments on our whole society structure which again makes no sense at all. He would probably go back and tell his friends about what he saw and they’ll all have a nice laugh about it and probably even their so called wives would have a laugh too and eventually the whole some god forsaken town in the middle of no where would be laughing at us. Well this is where our society have come to, you marry, have fun for a little while, have kids, then fight a lot and die while still passing sarcastic remarks over one’s eating habits, how cant they control there bodily fluids and gases anymore..blah blah and more blah.

Well all said and done, but how does the marriage today happen, well, this is how its done in a conservative rajasthani rajput family. No matter what all female activists might say about women right and how women have come a long way today and yet again proved their mental to be more than just produce and make home, but still today a daughter’s father starts worrying about his daughter’s prospects for getting married, no matter how well she might be doing professionally or what her ambitions and aspirations be, she “must” marry early and to a good, successful and rich boy (best if he’s the only son to his parents, and even better if either of his parents are dead, because then that would give much more freedom to their daughter after marriage, no matter how much all these facts bite one, but this is what happens in this hypocritical world). So now the next step, girl’s 6″X4″ picture along with her biodata (resume for being considered apt for your son) is sent to a boy’s family with whom they have had a little chat and said that they are interested in their son and would like them to consider their girl for him. At times this does not so happen directly but through a no. of crisscrossed relatives in between who are commonly known to both parties interested in the deal we are talking about. So now the picture makes round to a lot many households, and through strict scrutiny of half aged,married women and older women too, its like an xray from which nothing can be hidden, no matter how hard has the photographer had tried the lights, the makeup, or a subtle smile, nothing can be hidden from these relentless women whose opinion is invaluable in making or breaking it. After some time now, the so called picture finally reaches its destination and goes into the hands our precious big boy. The boy may not have a good look at it and phone calls start pouring in from all the relatives who saw the picture first and want to know what does he think, and one can imagine what might go through his mind looking at all this, I’m sure he’d be screaming out. “people!! gimme a break, stfu.lemme think” and anyways even if he did that, I’m also pretty sure some aunt would shut him up and prolly declare that he’s agreed to it and the he’s getting married on the next auspicious date declared by the pandit (now thats an another story whole together, how pundits make business in india and how the brahmins manipulated the people for their own interest, well lets not get too political here and leave it for some other occasion).

So lets say for here that the boy has totally agreed to the marriage but the girl’s family wants to  meet the boy. So now this is one of those when people like me should be locked up in rooms and not let near to the room where the meeting might be taking place, because its not one of those rooms where you would like to be, the atmosphere is funnier than watching jerry seinfeld doing a live act and what makes it difficult is holding your self from laughing at such stupid remarks and conversation.

A shreek brought me back to the world and to eventually to the room where I was sitting, it turned out that the shreek came out from the very smiley mouth of very lovely and happy mother of the girl, and she was laughing at a joke (which I dint find remotely funny) made by the sister of the boy and if all goes well, would be sister in-law of the girl and mind you, girl is not even present here, infact, she’s may not even know that her parents are here and is working hard at some multi-national corporate company in one of the biggest cities in india. Well also it becomes very confusing for my little head to concentrate on any the conversations going around here,and  if this is to happen at a G-8 meeting or a press conference, I’m sure no matter how many journalists might be present there it will be utterly difficult for all of them to even listen to any of it, forget me being a part of this fool’s paradise. But I get a relief we I look at the boy’s face, no expression ever made in english language can express what he might be going through. Men in the room are asking him to listen to what they are talking and so do the women, but it all falls apart when any one of them asks his opinion on the matter, and we all drop to a dead silence and now his phone rings, and jolly good if he has the music from the “kill bill” and that too the “hohhu hohhu”, ‘twisted nerve’ song and he smiles and leaves for a while, and since the conversation was brought to a halt, we need a fresh fire to start it again, so I give the fresh fire by asking the father of the girl about the economic integrity of the country and he sprung back again. Out of the talking about probably everything the world has and also girl’s mother bragging about how wonderful and good their daughter is, she is so intelligent, how she doesnt like to watch movies (and i said “wot”) and how we sent her to an all girl’s school and how she is not interested in men (and i held back my breath).

The most important part of the whole get-together is the exchanging of all the common family contacts and people both of them know. One would ask do you know this guy and the other would say “oh, yes i do” and then go about in length how good he’s done for himself and how much he has earned to much in such a short while and that he got married to recently and how they also know the family to which he has married and then the point of discussion would shift to that family and by the end of an hour or two they would probably cover half the rajput community and come back to the world we are sitting in. The strange part of all this is that how women in the room get drawn to the same discussion and join men and everyone is talking about the same. Someone who has not even spoken even once all this time even jumps into it, the only ones who are watching and not talking and looking at each other’s faces are me and the boy. In all this hoopla hoo, I get lost again in my thoughts only to remind me back of my presence by some loud laugh or cracking of snack bowls. And thank goodness the meeting is coming to an end, what marks the end of the big social mind boggling heart pounding meet is the silent which lasts for a little longer than usual is the end of it.

Note:- I do not intend to offend anyone, the events described maybe a little exaggerated.